


Emilia's Love

by SapphireComet



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Action, Comedy, F/M, Romance, Self-Doubt, Suffering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireComet/pseuds/SapphireComet
Summary: It has been a month since the events that occured at Pleiades Watchtower. Emilia hasn't seen Subaru since then and doesn't know what became of him.The good news for Emilia is that Subaru has been found safe and sound.The bad news is that Roswaal intends to marry off Subaru to improve Emilia's chances of winning the Royal Selection.Will Emilia be able to stop the arraigned marriage from happening and finally confess her feelings to Subaru?
Relationships: Emilia/Natsuki Subaru
Comments: 36
Kudos: 112





	1. Lost Love

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic was planned before Arc 7 has come out. I'm guessing what will happen based on limited information that is known to the community at this point.

It was early in the morning and Emilia was already feeling tired. Emilia had a long day yesterday in the city of Priestella. She had been exhausted from the trip she had taken with Ram to the city in order to attend to some unfinished business. With the Dragon’s blood they had recently acquired it was possible that the victims of the Sin Archbishop of Lust, Capella, could finally be cured. Once she arrived in Priestella the first thing she set out to do was to unfreeze Capella’s victims and cure them with the Dragon’s Blood. Luckily everything went to plan and everyone turned back to normal.

As for the victims of the Sin Archbishops of Gluttony, not much could be done for them. Those who had their name’s eaten had slowly begun to reclaim them, though this only applied to some of those victims. Specifically, only the victims of the recently deceased Ley Batenkaitos had their names restored. Ley’s brother, Roy Alphard, was still alive and likely being interrogated at the Capital. Memories on the other hand were not restored for any of the victims. Any victim who had their memories eaten still could not remember anything that had happened before they fell victim to Gluttony. At least some of those who had both their name and memories eaten had slowly begun to wake up from their comatose state.

To top things off the amount of Dragon’s blood Emilia had brought with her was not much. In the end it was decided that the victims of Lust took precedence over the victims of Gluttony.

Emilia’s head sunk as she thought back to all that it took to get that Dragon’s Blood in the first place. The quest to Pleidias’s Watchtower was a grueling one. While there she had lost Subaru to the Divine Dragon Volcanica. The mighty dragon unleashed an attack that went straight through the tower consuming Subaru, Rem, the Sin Archbishop Louis, and some mysterious presence that had attacked earlier. No, trace of them remained. Out of anger Emilia lashed out at the Dragon. While she was no match for it, she did end up drawing some of it’s blood. It was not as much as she would have liked but it would have to do. Volcanica then flew off to a mysterious land beyond the Great Waterfall. There was no way to reach him now.

Ideally Emilia would have spent time looking for Subaru, but the rest of her group was short on supplies so they had to return back home prematurely. Considering the land that had appeared beyond the great waterfall, a lot of preparations would need to be made before a trip back to the Pleiades Watchtower could be made. If it weren’t for all of that Emilia would still be over at the Pleiades Watchtower to look for Subaru.

Emilia exited from the room of the hotel she was staying at. It was time to checkout and head back to the Mather’s domain. She began to walk down the hall towards the checkout, then a door before her opened. Out came Ram, who turned to face Emilia.

Ram: It is good to see you awake Emilia-sama. Given your appearance Ram takes it you did not get enough sleep.

Emilia: Unfortunately I had trouble sleeping last night. I thought with how reaaaally long yesterday was I would be out like a light. But still, we need to head out immediately.

Ram: Precisely, Ram has already ordered Otto to make preparations so that we can set out immediately. Usually Ram would like to serve breakfast before traveling. Luckily we had quite our fill with that thank you banquet the government of Priestella gave us as an award for curing the victims of Lust.

Emilia thought back to the banquet. It reminded her of that time that she and the other camps had feasted on some cuisine that you would find in the Kararagi city states. Subaru seemed very fond of it and had enjoyed himself thoroughly. Emilia couldn’t help but feel a touch of sadness at that recollection.

Emilia: Thank you Ram for that foresight. I guess we better head out now. It would be pretty mean to keep Otto waiting. 

Ram: Ram wouldn’t mind at all. All Otto has been doing here is living a life of luxury at Roswaal-samas expense.

There was no reason to suspect Otto of merely living it up in Priestella. Otto had been busy forging business connections to be used later by the Emilia camp. Those connections could be of great help in securing Emilia’s victory in the Royal Selection. Otto also had a side project going on. Apparently he had recovered Roswaal’s Book of Wisdom and had succeeded in having it repaired. Roswaal had promised to not attempt anything underhanded in order to follow the writ of his book. Otto however was wary of Roswaal and wanted to be double sure that the margrave wasn’t attempting to pull any tricks.

While Ram had a very roundabout way of showing affection, Emilia knew that Ram wasn’t being serious. Subaru would always tell Emilia just how much Ram cared about everyone in the Emilia camp.

It doesn’t seem that Emilia’s knight could leave the confines of her mind.

Once checking out of the hotel, Emilia and Ram exited the front entrance. Emilia took a look at her surroundings. The city of Priestella was truly a sight to behold. The water channels that were interconnected through the city gave it a charm one would be hard pressed to find elsewhere. 

Water Dragons pulled canoes that held all sorts of passengers, along the waterway. From merchants, businessmen, children, to happy couples. All enjoyed the pleasures of traveling by water.

Emilia wished that Subaru and her had taken more opportunities to tour around Priestella. Sure Subaru had a tendency for seasickness, but Emilia was sure that there was a remedy for something like that. A regret hung over her heart over not going on a date with Subaru while they were here. Perhaps if the Witch Cult had not attacked, then maybe that date could have become reality. Instead Emilia would have to rely on her fantasies to sate her desires.

In front of Emilia and Ram was the dragon carriage they had taken to get here. However this time there was something different. Next to Otto was Garfiel and Frederica. Garfiel and Frederica had not originally made the trip with them to Priestella. What could they be possibly doing here? More importantly, how did they get here?

Taking a glance to her left Emilia takes note of two additional ground dragons that had been added to pull the dragon cart. One the additional ground dragons was the stoic Patrasche. Wait if Patrashe is here then that can only mean one thing.

Emilia’s eyes widened as she sprinted towards the dragon carriage. Whatever lack of energy she was feeling from waking up this morning was no more. She had a wide smile on her face as she raced to the dragon carriage door.

Frederica: Nice to see you Emilia-Sama. Please …….

Frederica was completely ignored. By the time she began to make her request Emilia had already swung open the carriage door and jumped inside before shutting the door.

Frederica: Ram-san you should take from your lady’s example and hurry up. We need to leave Priestella now. I’ll explain inside. Right now, we have to hurry!

Ram takes note of Frederica’s stern expression and hurries her pace.

Ram: Right away Frederica-sama.

Frederica turned around to Garfiel and Otto with that same expression.

Frederica: That goes for you two as well!

Otto: Right away mam!

Otto jumped over to the driver bench in a hurry. He knew better than to get on Frederica’s bad side. Well anyone’s bad side for that matter.

Garfiel: Hopefully next time we won’t be in such a rush. Thr’ was something I really wanted to show ya here sis.

Frederica: That will have to wait for next time Garfiel. Besides I’m sure that you're not the only one feeling that right now.

Garfiel proceeds to hop onto the driver bench, right next to Otto. Frederica then opens the carriage door. Frederica and Ram jump inside the carriage immediately. Frederica shuts the door behind her. No sooner does the dragon carriage set off.

Inside the carriage to greet Frederica and Ram was not a happy maiden, instead was a woman who was sulking. Emilia had thought that since Patrashe was here that must have meant Subaru was in the carriage. Her knight had come all the way from wherever he had been to surprise her. Unfortunately that was too much to hope for. When Emilia jumped inside the carriage there was no Subaru to be found.

Subaru being in the carriage was probably too much to hope for. Just because Patrashe was here did not mean Subaru would be in tow. With her dreams crushed Emilia barely paid attention to Frederica’s and Ram’s arrival.

Frederica and Ram took their seats. Once they did that Frederica turned her head to Emilia.

Frederica: Emilia-sama, while I know you may not be in the best of moods, I have urgent news to give you, both good and bad.

Emilia: Can we start with the bad? I don’t want to get my expectations high up just for them to come crashing down.

Frederica: While you do have my sympathies Emilia-sama I must deliver the good news first. As you will see it is directly related to the bad news.

Emilia frowns and crosses her arms. Given her current mood she was hoping to save the good news for last in order to uplift her spirits. Unfortunately Emilia would have to relent to Frederica’s request. 

Emilia: Fine Frederica, go ahead and tell me the good news.

Frederica: Subaru-sama and Rem-san have been found safe and sound.

Emilia leaps out of her seat. Just when she thought today was going to be a miserable day, the best news she had received in a month had just arrived. Ram also smiles brightly at the news that her twin sister has finally been found.

Emilia: Reaaaaaaly! Where were they all this time?

Frederica: They were found in the Vollachia Empire. Apparently they got entangled in an international incident over there with Vollachia, Gusteko, and the Kararagi city states.

The Vollachia Empire? Oh no, that was the worst place for Subaru. The Vollachia Empire was where might makes right. Only the strong survive as the weak are left to perish. While Emilia would not like to think of her knight as weak, she knew that Subaru had his limits. She saw first hand during his duel after the Royal Selection Ceremony.

Emilia: Don’t tell me Subaru is still stuck over there. We need to head over there right this instance!

Ram clicks her tongue in annoyance and turns to Emilia

Ram: Ram would appreciate it if Emilia-sama takes time to remember Ram’s sister, Rem.

Emilia cheeks blush as she realizes her mistake. Sure Subaru is important but so was Rem. Just like Emilia, Ram had been suffering due to the loss of her sister. Ram also was sad for Subaru’s disappearance but that could not compare to that of a family member, especially a sibling.

Emilia: Ram I’m really soooory. That was my mistake. It’s good to know Rem is safe two.

Ram: Apology accepted.

Ram puffs her chest out as she accepts the apology. In most master-servant relationships the servant rarely gets to have their master apologize to them. Ram would take this moment in pride, for the sake of all those abused servants out there in the world.

Frederica: Do not feel ashamed Emilia-sama. Before giving you the news I already had an inkling of which way you would go. As for Subaru-sama and Rem-san, they luckily encountered Priscilla while over in Vollachia. I’m not too sure on the details but everyone is back in Lugunica. If it was just Subaru-sama and Rem-san then perhaps we would have to settle the matter ourselves. Luckily everything sorted itself out.

Priscilla? Emilia and Priscilla were not on the best of terms. Emilia remembered how Priscilla had treated her back at the Royal Selection Ceremony. While relations between them had improved during Emilia’s first trip to Priestella, Emilia was not ready to say they were friends. There was also her mysterious knight Al. Emilia could never get a good read on him. Despite Subaru’s objections, Emilia still viewed Al as a good person though. 

Still, as long as Subaru was safe Emilia would have to drop her concerns about how it happened and just be grateful it happened at all.

Emilia: Any other good news Frederica?

Frederica: Subaru-sama and Rem-san are currently recovering from their journey back at the mansion. Also Subaru-sama brought a girl along with them. Subaru-sama said she was very important to him and that it was imperative that she takes up residence with him at Roswaal-sama’s estate.

Emilia: Another girl?!

Ram: Typical Barusu.

Ram lifts her nose as she delivers her derogatory comment. Emilia blushed even more red then she previously had.

Why did Subaru bring another girl along with him? Why was she important to him? Emilia knew that Rem meant something to Subaru as well, but Emilia never took Subaru for a womanizer. Was he a woman in every town kind of guy? Puck warned Emilia that she should stay away from men like that.

Frederica smiled, realizing the stir she had created.

Frederica: My apologies Emilia-sama. I understand your worries but your concerns are misplaced. From my limited interactions with the girl I can tell you she is severely imparied mentally. She has the mental capability of a baby, if that. 

Ram: Is there no low to low for your Barusu?

Emilia: I see ….

Emilia covered her face with her hands out of sheer embarrassment. Emilia had immediately jumped to conclusions about her knight. Not even once attempting to think of why Subaru would bring another girl along with him.

Emilia: Well I guess I’ll have to ask Subaru about her once we get back to the mansion. Frederica, you said you had bad news to share, correct?

Frederica nods her head towards Emilia and prepares to answer the question.

Frederica: Yes indeed Emilia-sama. Over the past year your knight has accomplished many great deeds. He has assisted in the slaying of no less than three Sin Archbishops and two of the three Great Demon Beasts. In Priestella’s hour of need he gave a speech that inspired the city’s terrified populace to overcome their despair and persevere. Your knight was also an integral part in the conquest of Pleiades Watchtower. Not even the current Sword Saint, Reinhard, could boast such a feat. Not to mention all of the heroic escapades your knight engaged in while in Vollachia.

Emilia wore a wide grin as she nodded her head proudly at each of the achievements Frederica listed off. Emilia did a really good job picking a knight. Subaru would go down in the history books for sure.

Ram: Just when Ram thought Barusu’s ego was large enough. Ram will never hear the end of it.

Whether that vocal bombardment would be from Subaru or Rem was anyone’s guess.

Emilia: I fail to see how any of this is bad news.

Frederica: Well Emilia-sama, due to status all of these deeds have given Subaru-sama, Roswaal has decided to take advantage of it.

Roswaal? What could her benefactor possibly be planning to do with Subaru. They were supposed to have a deal. Roswaal should have given Emilia some kind of advance notice before acting on his own.

Emilia: What does Roswaal want to do with Subaru?

Frederica: Roswaal-sama plans to marry Subaru-sama off.

Emilia: WHAT!? WHY!?

With her cheeks redder than roses, Emilia’s eyes widened at Frederica’s statement as Emilia began pulling on her hair in confusion. 

Marriage? When did Roswaal think he could just marry off Subaru like that? Marriage should be between two people who really love each other. At least that is what Emilia believed. Emilia thought back to the marriage that was forced upon her by Regulus. Luckily Subaru was there to save her from that terrible fate.

Frederica: Judging from our conversation earlier about the girl Subaru brought with him, I am not shocked by your reaction. You see Emilia-sama, Roswaal-sama wishes to increase the influence of the Emilia camp. The best way to do that is to join forces with another noble family. Due to the Royal Selection rules you are forbidden from marriage. Also due to Roswaal-sama’s considerable assets, any marriage involving him would take much more preparation than the Royal Selection allows. That leaves Subaru-sama as the camp's most eligible bachelor. For what he lacks in resources, Subaru makes up with status.

With Roswaal’s motive revealed, Emilia understood that this was being done with her Royal Selection chances in mind. Still, was Emilia willing to let Subaru get married off just so that she could become the next ruler of Lugunica? No, not at all, if there was no other way to improve her chances of winning the Royal section, Emilia would rather lose the Royal Selection.

Emilia straightens her back and crosses her arms.

Emilia: There is no way that I’m letting Subaru get married like this. I’m going to give Roswaal to a piece of mind.

Frederica: I expected you would react as such, hence the rush Garfiel and I took to get here. You see, even as we speak, Roswaal-sama is having maidens from all over the world descend upon the his mansion to court Subaru-sama. If you want to put a stop to this we need to hurry. He intends to have this matter settled sooner rather than later.

Emilia: Roswaal isn’t wasting any time is he?

Ram: That is to be expected of Roswaal-sama. He never commits to anything without thoroughly planning it out beforehand.

To Emilia there was still one thing that felt amiss in all of this commotion.

Emilia: Why are you helping me Frederica? Aren’t you supposed to be one of Roswaal’s servants?

Frederica: While I may be Roswaal-sama’s servant I’m also technically on vacation. I was planning on going with Garfiel to Priestella beforehand. There was something there that Garfiel really wanted to show me. But I know how much you care for Subaru-sam so I made the choice to help you. While I am a mere servant I do consider you a close friend.

Emilia smiled once she heard Frederica’s reasoning for helping her.

Emilia: Thank you so much Frederica. I really do appreciate your help.

With that Emilia closed her eyes and began to think about how the day had gone so far. It was wonderful news that Subaru was safe. But the news that Roswaal would marry Subaru off turned Emilia’s world upside down.

It was a really bad predicament. Emilia knows that she should have more confidence in her knight, and under normal circumstances she would. However, Emilia knew something about Subaru that few others knew. A secret so dangerous that Subaru was forbidden from telling anyone. It was something that Emilia had desperately tried to put in the back of her mind once she learned of it. Subaru, Emilia’s only knight, had the power of Return by Death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does Emilia know about Return by Death? Find out in the next chapter: A Tour Through The Taygeta Library
> 
> Extra note, Garfiel is supposed to be in Arc 7, thus why he is coming to Priestella.


	2. A Tour Through The Taygeta Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was suppose to be in chapter 1 but I deemed it to important to be just a few paragraphs and to large to not be it's own chapter.
> 
> Flashback Chapter.

Over at Pleiades Watchtower Emilia had been in such distress over Subaru’s disappearance she had become unhinged. Not wanting to believe her knight had perished she scoured the library located on the watchtower’s third floor, Taygeta. The library there possessed books that contained the memories of those who had passed away. If Subaru was truly dead, then surely his book would be there. 

Emilia could have looked for Rem’s book but Ram was firmly against it. The older sister desperately wanted to believe her sister was still alive. Emilia chose to respect the pink haired oni’s wishes. 

Emilia walked through the library alone, no one else was willing to accompany her. Whether that was because they had accepted that Subaru died from Volcanica’s blast or were still in denial was unknown to Emilia. 

Emilia trekked throughout the endless hallways of the library. Examining the spine of every book she came across. Yet she could not find Subaru’s name among them. Sure the library was vast but when she was in the library with Subaru, he seemed to find the books of people he knew with ease. She was confident that this meant that Subaru was alive and well, he was just missing. Full of confidence, Emilia knew she would find her precious Subaru.

But there was one thing that weighed on Emilia’s mind. There was a pile of books on the ground, with the same name written on the spine of each and every one of them. The name was in a language that Emilia had no knowledge of. Emilia wanted to dismiss these books, but she knew Subaru used the library to get his memories back. 

Something in the back of Emilia’s mind toddler her not to read those books. But in the end she could not resist the temptation growing inside her. She bent down to pick up one of the books and then proceeded to open it.

With the first book she opened Emilia witnessed what must have been Subaru’s first day in Lugunica. There was one problem though, none of these events matched Emilia’s memory. Subaru was being beaten senselessly by three muggers. Felt passed him, telling him to live strong, leaving the boy to his fate. Then another woman passed by, a silver haired half-elf with amethyst eyes, Emilia. Instead of leaving Subaru to his doom, Emilia saved Subaru from the three muggers. She then stayed by Subaru’s side and healed him of his injuries.

Was this what Subaru meant when he said that Emilia saved him? But how could that be? Emilia would have certainly remembered an encounter like that. One way or another Emilia’s question would be answered. She witnessed the day of Subaru and this “Emilia” playout as they sought out for Emilia’s insignia. At a bridge over a river Subaru asked the silver haired half-elf her name. The half-elf replied with Satella.

Satella? That half-elf was lying right? She looked exactly like Emilia, there was no way that was Satella. Subaru showed no fear of this revelation, like anyone normally would. Instead he continued his quest with her. This quest would lead them to the loot house. Subaru would go in alone only to meet a grisly demise. “Satella” would soon go inside as well in order to find out what had happened, only to reach the same end. In his dying moments Subaru reached for “Satella”'s hand, proclaiming that he would save her. With that Emilia woke back up in the library.

Emilia was puzzled by what she had witnessed. Emilia was under the impression that the Books of the Dead show a person’s life, from beginning to end. But all Emilia witnessed was a single day of Subaru’s life. It wasn’t even a day that should exist. Emilia gazed at the book she just read, then tossed it as far she could. How could any of this be right?

Emilia gazes at the pile of books in front of her. The answers to her questions were right in front of her. The only question being did Emilia have the will to open them?

Emilia picks up another book, it was Emilia’s idea to come up here in the first place, she would see this through to the end. Opening the book, once again Emilia witnesses experiences that were not her own. This time Subaru was once again in the capital, in front of a fruit salesman who had been pretty mean to him in the previous book. Subaru went straight for the loot house and desperately attempted to negotiate for Satella insignia. This attempt would also fail as Subaru was killed by Elsa, who had originally commissioned the stealing of “Satella”’s insignia in the first place. With that Emilia’s eyes opened back to the library.

Another book read, no questions answered. This book appeared as fraudulent as the previous one. Emilia tossed it aside just like the last one. With resolve Emilia picked up the next book and opened it.

Once again, back at the capital, Subaru comes to his senses in front of a fruit merchant. He senses “Satella” walk past him and chases after her. Subaru calls out to the half-elf. Instead of a look of elation all Subaru finds is the anger of a woman who has clearly been offended. Then Subaru learns of the great taboo he has committed. The half-elf before him was not Satella. In fact the name Satella belonged to the Witch of Envy who had brought about a great calamity to the world 400 years ago. 

After this revelation, Felt took advantage of the opening provided and stole Emilia’s insignia. The half-elf turned to Subaru with even more spiteful eyes then before, accusing the boy of being in cahoots with the thief. With that accusation, Emilia left to chase Felt.

Dejected Subaru went back to the alley where he first met Satella. Nothing made sense to him. Just as he was about to leave to try to leave the alley to make amends he was ambushed by the three muggers from the first book. This time Subaru was not so lucky as he was fatally stabbed and left to bleed out on the cold floor. Just as Subaru dies, Emilia opens her eyes back in the Library.

Emilia: No, no, no, no, no! None of this makes sense! None of this happened! I refuse to accept it!

The half-elf screamed out in the confines of the Library. Her voice reverberated throughout this infinite space. No matter how far one was from her they would hear her yell.

Still, even if these books did not contain the truth, these books are what Subaru had to read to regain his memories. Was there some kind of secret mechanism Emilia was oblivious to. Like it or not Emilia had to keep reading. It was the only way to find Subaru’s truth.

Emilia picks up another book to open it. Once again Subaru wakes to the sight of the fruit merchant from before. This time though Subaru does not possess the strength to stand and collapses. 

After waking up Subaru comes to a realization, that he has the power of Return by Death, Subaru believes that when he dies he can go back in time to do things differently. None of that made any sense to Emilia. How would a power like that even work?

Nonetheless Subaru walks into the same alley as before to encounter the muggers from before. This time however, Subaru calls for help to which the Sword Saint, Reinhard, responds. After Reinhard drives off the muggers, Subaru asks Reinhard for a favor to find a silver haired half-elf for him. Reinhard asks what Subaru plans to do, to which he says he has somewhere he needs to go.

Subaru ventures off to the slums of the Capital. Incidentally he runs into Elsa, his killer in two previous books. Luckily he talks his way out of a dangerous situation and eventually finds Felt. Felt then takes Subaru to the loot house. Once there Subaru immediately begins bartering for Emilia’s insignia using his cellphone. While close to a deal, Felt was insistent on waiting for her client to arrive so she could also negotiate as well.

The door then opens. Subaru is scared because he suspects that Elsa is behind the door. Instead it was Emilia who was behind the door. The rest of the loot house incident plays out exactly how Emilia recalls it. While Elsa did show up eventually, thanks to the arrival of Reinhard they were able to drive Elsa off. Subaru passes out due to his injuries and Emilia takes Subaru back to Roswaal’s mansion.

Then begins Subaru’s first week. But this first week did not match up with Emilia’s memory at all. Where were the wolgrams that attacked the Mathers domain? Where was the lap pillow? That was one of Emilia’s most fond memories of Subaru. Then it just ended, just like that. Emilia once again found herself in the Library.

Emilia: That was closer to the truth, but everything unraveled in the end. 

Emilia did learn one thing though. Subaru was under the belief that he could go back in time after he died to undo previous events.

Emilia: That would explain why Subaru knew to be at the loot house to get my insignia back. It would also explain why he wanted to know my name as his reward for saving him.

If Subaru really had that kind of power then that meant every one of the books before Emilia represented one of Subaru’s deaths. Had Subaru really died 20 times without Emilia ever realizing? How come he never tried to tell her anything.

The only way to find out was to keep reading the books. Emilia mustered the will to pick up another and read it.

Emilia experienced another three books and witnessed the hell Subaru had endured during what she thought was his first week in the mansion. On the fourth night of his second week, Subaru fell ill and desperately tried to get help, only to be bludgeoned to a pulp. 

Emilia was perplexed by this death. She thought the only threat to the mansion during that first week was the pack of wolgrams.

During his third first week Subaru operated under the premise that there was an assassin lurking around the mansion. He left the mansion in an attempt to find his killer and save Emilia and the others from any harm that may come their way, only to be horrified by what he found. Rem believed Subaru to be a spy from the Witch Cult, complaining of the Witch’s scent that emanated from Subaru. What followed was a scene of utmost brutality as Rem tortured Subaru to get answers. Subaru tried the best to defend himself with words but Rem was having none of it. In the end Ram saved him by killing him out of mercy, for the man who had attempted to befriend Ram and her sister.

Several questions came to Emilia from the book. Why does Subaru smell of the Witch? How come Rem can smell this scent but no one else can? And how could Rem still end up falling for Subaru if she hated him so much in this book.

Horrified by what he had uncovered in his previous loop Subaru was in a state of shock. Out of concern Emilia asked him what was wrong. Subaru attempted to reveal his secret to Emilia, only for a mysterious presence to prevent him from doing so. With little to no options, Subaru resorted to hiding in the Forbidden Library with Beatrice. He contracted the great spirit to protect him. After four days Subaru emerged from the library and celebrated finally making it past the fourth day. This celebration would not last long as he found out that Rem had passed away. With suspicion surrounding him and unable to explain what he knew Subaru fled. Ram wanted to kill Subaru for the wrong she assumed he commited. Eventually Subaru found himself by a cliffside. Beatrice arrived and offered to teleport Subaru away. Subaru took too long and Ram arrived intending to avenge her sister. Subaru had an epiphany, rebuking Beatrice’s offer he says that he will save everyone, then Subaru jumps to his death.

Once again lying on the floor of the Taygeta Library, Emilia awakens. Emilia was angry at herself. How could she let all of this happen under her nose? She still didn’t know why Subaru couldn’t tell her about his deaths. She knew there was a mysterious force that would reach for his heart, but why was that ther? 

Even more disturbing was how could Subaru forgive Rem after all she had done to him? Emilia previously believed that Subaru and Rem had a great relationship. Even after Emilia forgot who Rem was, Subaru never lost his fondness for her. Emilia could never understand why Subaru could be so forgiving.

Emilia: The only way to find out is to keep reading these terrible books isn’t it?

Asking a question Emilia knew would not be answered she resigns herself to another book, in order to put together what made Subaru the man she knew.

This was Subaru’s fifth week at the mansion. Lucky this time it played out exactly how Emilia remembered it. This time Subaru got his lap pillow. Granted, Emilia now knew of the horrifying ordeal Subaru had gone under in order to get to this point, but she knew this meant she was on the right path. In the end Subaru helped save the day from the wolgram invasion and got to go on a date with Emilia. That date meant so much more to Emilia, now knowing what it took to get there.

What followed was weeks of peace and tranquility. There were hijinks that happened at the Roswaal mansion but that was more than welcomed by Subaru. If only those days lasted for eternity.

The day of the opening ceremony for the Royal Selection came about. Despite knowing what was about to occur, Emilia couldn’t bear to watch. Subaru interrupted the process midway claiming to be Emilia’s knight. Of course at the time he had no right to such a claim. In the end Julius dueled Subaru over the rudeness Subaru displayed at the ceremony. Duel was probably a poor choice of words though. Julius utterly demolished Subaru till he was barely recognizable. After this Emilia had her falling out with Subaru and left him at the Capital, never wanting to see him again. Subaru wanted to tell her about their first meeting, the meeting that was in Subaru’s first book, unfortunately the same mysterious force from before stopped him. But if Emilia knew what she did now would she have left him behind? Maybe she should just be grateful Subaru didn’t kill himself over this.

In the following days Rem, who had accompanied Subaru and Emilia to the Capital, sensed something was wrong at the mansion and headed out. Abandoned once again, Subaru sought help from a face familiar to Emilia, Otto. Otto gave a lift to Subaru but would not go beyond a certain point. Past that, Subaru would have to go on his own.

On his way there Subaru encountered the Witch Cult. Was this where Subaru was destined to die? No, it wasn’t. Instead what transpired was something that caught Emilia off guard. The Witch Cult surrounded Subaru the bowed. The cult left then as if nothing had transpired leaving Subaru dumbstruck.

Subaru eventually found his way back and encountered a grizzly scene. Throughout the Arlam village destruction lay at all possible corners. Bodies had been maimed, burned, desecrated to a level Emilia didn’t know was possible. The Witch Cult had left their mark on the village. Subaru walked his way to the Mansion then stopped at the front gate after observing a morning star that looked similar to the one Rem used. He turned to his right and stumbled over to a corpse of someone he held dear. His knees buckled out of sheer shock at the sight or Rem’s corpse, with a knife sticking out of her head.

Subaru began to look around his surroundings. There were corpses littering the front lawn of the mansion. The fight here had to have been a fierce one. If Rem were to have died here in front of this shed, something of value had to be inside it. Subaru got up and opened it, only to seconds later wish he hadn’t opened it. Inside the shed were the corpses of the children that lived in Arlam Village. Distrubred by this Subaru fled to inside the Mansion.

Subaru wanders inside of the hallways of the mansion, mutters how none of this could be his fault. He opens a door and discovers the corpses of Ram and Petra. Apparently Ram attempted to protect Petra to no avail. Petra was dead and had her eyes gouged out of her socket. Subaru continues to traverse the mansion till he finds a bloodied hairpin that belonged to Emilia. Subaru follows the bloodtrail till he comes across the secret passageway in Roswaal’s office. He ventures inside only to freeze to death. Surrounded by the frozen corpses of Witch Cultists the last words Subaru hears is that he was too late, from a voice that was most certainly Pucks.

Emilia awakens with tears flowing down her cheeks. She hurries to wipe them away.

So this is how Subaru knew of the Witch Cult’s plan to attack her. Emilia doesn’t know how she feels about how the Witch Cult treated Subaru, it was rather suspicious. On the other hand, Subaru was completely ignorant to what was going on. The first time Subaru had heard of the Witch Cult was from Rem a few books back ago.

Emilia: Subaru I’m so very sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could have been there for you. But how was I supposed to know what was going to happen? Why couldn’t you muster the strength to tell me about your deaths? We could have figured something out together.

Emilia looked to the remaining books. No matter how many she read the task of reading them all never got any easier.

So once again Emilia picked up another book and began to read it. This time Emilia found herself in the capital. Subaru was left in a state of shock and went into a trance and was unresponsive to anyone, except Rem. Rem thought it might have been cursed but Ferris could not find anything obvious wrong with him. With that Rem took Subaru and left Crusch’s estate in order to head back to the Roswaal mansion.

On their way to the mansion, they were ambushed by the Witch Cult. During the commotion a Witch Cult member kidnapped Subaru.

Why are they trying to kidnap Subaru? Emilia had always been under the impression that the Witch Cult was attempting to kidnap Emilia. Subaru didn’t like to talk about it much but let her know that the Cult wanted to use her body as a vessel for Satella. If that was the case then why kidnap Subaru? What was there to gain from it?

Subaru would soon awaken in a cave to find a Witch Cultist starting into his eyes. Subaru was asked if he was Pride. Subaru did not respond to the cultist’s question. The cultist took a few steps back as he continued to attempt to communicate with Subaru. 

Emilia glanced over the Cultist. To Emilia’s dismay the cultist had an eerily resemblance to Uncle Geuse. His skin was a lot more pale, and he wore the grin of a madman. Other cultists who were in the cave had knelt behind whom was persummable their leader. The cultist introduced himself as Petelgeuse. Emilia didn’t want to believe it but it was true. This is what had become of the kind Uncle Geuse she had known as a child?

Petelguese dismissed his followers so they could clean up the scene of the ambush and to find and kill Rem. Afterwards he questioned Subaru as to why Subaru was so loved, if he had a gospel, but more importantly, why was Subaru acting insane when he clearly was not? What follows is a tirade about Subaru’s slothfulness.

After the tirade Rem enters the cave to rescue Subaru. Several cultists reappear to do battle with her. Throughout the battle Petelgeuse questions why someone like Rem would show love to someone slothful as Subaru. Rem says that a cultist like him could never understand. 

Rem fought valiantly, but in the end though she was caught by some unseen force. Petelgeuse then twisted Rem’s body in ways that were not possible for a person to contort themselves to. This sets off Subaru. Subaru yells repeatedly, with tears flowing down his face, that he will kill Petelguese. The threats are empty though as Subaru is chained to the wall. Petelguese leaves Subaru to his fate, saying that if Subaru is loved then surely he will find salvation.

Left to his own devices, Subaru beats his head, continuously, against the floor, repeatedly saying that he would kill Petelgeuse. Then he begins to notice what he thought was Rem’s corpse moving towards him. Rem was still very much alive and made her way to Subaru. Subaru used his teeth to pull Rem close to him. With the last of her magic Rem brakes Subaru’s chains. During Rem’s final moments she pronounces her love of Subaru before finally passing away.

Walking out of the cave, Subaru carries Rem’s body and makes his way to the mansion. He has no plan but only one name comes out of his mouth on the way to the mansion, Petelgeuse. The man who was responsible for his suffering. 

Finally at the mansion Subaru turns his head right towards the sheds and captures a glimpse of Ram’s corpse. Ram’s corpse was surrounded by the corpses of cultists whom Ram had killed in an attempt to protect the children, who were likely dead now, inside the shed. Subaru wept once more only to be interrupted by the roof of the mansion exploding.

Subaru turned his head back to the mansion where he saw the head of a large beast. The beast was most likely Puck. Puck had likely been active for sometime now considering the amount of snow that was in the surrounding area. As parting words Puck told Subaru to sleep, Subaru’s head then slumped off his body.

Emilia bashed her fist against the ground as she woke up. Tear drops descended from her face as she cried once again.

Emilia: This can’t be right! There is no way Uncle Geuse would become a monster!

But that was the truth Subaru had seen. More concerning was how Petelgeuse had asked Subaru if he was Pride. It would explain why the cultists had treated Subaru so respectfully in the previous book.

From previous experiences with the Witch Cult, Emilia knew that each of the Sin Archbishops held an ability called an Authority. From previous discussions with Beatrice, Emilia also knew that Subaru possessed a couple of Authorities himself.

Emilia: There is no way Subaru would turn into a monster, right? He is too kind hearted to become something so evil.

Emilia’s brow furrowed as she began to rub her chin. She couldn’t discount the possibility. Afterall, every Sin Archbishop she has encountered so far has displayed some sort of madness. Considering all that has happened to Subaru it was probably a miracle that he hadn’t become an insane monster yet.

Emilia gazed to the next book. This had to be the one in which Subaru helped save the day, right. Subaru had a reason to continue fighting. Even if it was for Rem’s sake and not Emilia, Subaru had a new resolve. Emilia had faith in Subaru, so she opened the next book.

Subaru did have a newfound resolve, but it didn’t get him anywhere. He attempted to recruit the Crush camp but failed. He then turned to Pricilla, even resorting to licking her feet, only to be soundly rejected. Anastasia took advantage of Subaru and provided no help to him. With no Felt to turn to Subaru ventured with Rem to attempt to stop the With Cult attack.

Traveling with a band of merchants, under the cover of fog, Subaru and Ram found themselves assaulted by the White Whale. With little to no options at their disposal, Rem opted to engage in a final stand against the demon beast, in order to save Subaru. The whale resumed it’s pursuit and once Subaru revealed his suspicion that the whale was after him he was pushed off the cart by a frightened Otto.

In fear for his life, with a broken body and mind, Subaru fled as fast as he could. Tumbling down all Subaru could say was that he did not want to die. Coming to a rest, Subaru opened his eyes to find no fog or whale in sight. He was bathing in pure moonlight.

With nothing left, Subaru made his way back to the mansion. On the way there he runs into Otto’s dragon cart, which had been ambushed by the Witch Cult. Before he could make it the mansion he encountered the children from the village. For the first time in a long while Subaru could finally afford to smile. Relieved that he was finally able to make it back to the village in time, Subaru collapses due to exhaustion.

Subaru wakes up back in the Roswaal mansion. With Ram at his bedside, Subaru explains everything that happened on his journey back to the mansion. Puzzled Ram asks who this Rem person Subaru speaks of. Disgusted by the question Subaru tells Ram that Rem is her sister. Ram denies ever having a sister. Believing this to be some joke in poor taste, Subaru ventures to Rem’s room only to find it abandoned.

Deciding that he can’t give up yet Subaru ventures to Emilia’s room. Subaru attempts to convince Emilia to leave with him but fails. When Subaru brings up Rem he is distraught to learn that Emilia also does not know who Rem is. 

With tears running down Subaru’s face, he finds the resolve to tell Emilia about Return By Death. As punishment, the mysterious presence from before caresses Subaru and fondles his beating heart. Once Subaru regains focus, Emilia’s body collapses towards him. With blood oozing out of Emilia, Subaru realizes he killed her by telling her about Return By Death.

So this is why Subaru never told Emilia about Return by Death. Subaru knew what consequences he would face for daring to tell his secret. This revelation broke Emilia’s heart. It was the reason why Subaru could never share his pain with Emilia.

Subaru sits in Emilia’s room for hours, mourning his love’s loss. With Beatrice’s entrance into the room, Subaru asks to be killed, only for Beatrice to refuse his request. She instead teleports him and Emilia’s body away, but not before berating Subaru for his selfishness.

Left in the forest Subaru in the forest begs for death. His call is just as soon answered by the Witch Cult. Petelgeuse heaps praise on Subaru for killing Emilia before the cult could enact their plot. Then following that up Petelgeuse criticizes Emilia for not being able to get past one Ordeal., calling her truly slothful. 

Arms of shadow emerge out of Petelgeuse’s back and reach for Emilia. Subaru attempts to shield her from the madman. Petelgeuse is taken aback by Subaru’s reaction to his Unseen Hands. Petelgeuse calls upon more hands to pin Subaru to the ground. The remaining hands then reach out for Emilia. Subaru cries for the cultist to stop. Just as the shadowy hands are about to grab Emilia, they are interrupted by Puck.

Puck makes quick work of the witch cultists, save Petelgeuse. Following this Petelgeuse attempts to crush Puck with his Unseen Hands. Quickly the hands pop as Puck transforms into his true form. The surrounding land then comes under assault from a furious blizzard. Puck then stomps on Petelgeuse before having a chat with Subaru.

Puck tells Subaru of the three sins he had committed. First he broke his promise to Emilia, second he ignored Emilia’s wishes and returned to the mansion, third and finally Subaru had let Emilia die. After explaining Subaru’s sins, Puck announces that he will carry out his contract with Emilia and destroy the world in response to her death. Subaru’s body freezes and crumbles to pieces. In his final moments Subaru can’t help but laugh at the insanity of it all. But the laugh didn’t seem like Subaru’s, it felt like someone else’s.

With the book clenched in hand Emilia awakens lying face up on the library floor.

Emilia: When was something like that a part of our contract Puck!? I never wouldn’t want you to do something like that.

There was so much Emilia didn’t understand about the world. At least with these books she was beginning to piece things together. She finally understood why Subaru could never reveal his burden. Even so ….

Emilia: I’m sorry for causing you so much pain back there. Even if you were able to tell me your secret back then there is no guarantee that everything wouldn’t fall victim to tragedy. Only now that I’m reading your books Subaru, can I truly comprehend what you went through.

Subaru: I DON”T WANT TO DIE!

Emilia hears a loud scream roar through the library, starling her. Emilia leaps up to look around. Clearly it was from Subaru but he was nowhere to be found.

Emilia: Just wait Subaru I’m coming! Just tell me where you are!

Emilia leaped up from the floor and began running to wear she heard the screaming. How did Subaru get inside the Taygeta Library and how did Emilia not find him earlier?

Subaru: I DON”T WANT TO DIE! I DON”T WANT TO DIE! I DON”T WANT TO DIE!

Emilia: Hold on Subaru I’m coming!

But no matter how much the half-elf ran through the library she couldn’t find Subaru. The screams of pain seemed to be coming from all around her. Somehow she ended up back at the pile of Subaru’s books of the dead. That is when the Subaru’s cries stopped.

Emilia: Was that all some hallucination?

Emilia remembered all of the misgivings the rest of her compatriots and herself had about the Books of the Dead, but she never anticipated the books to affect her psyche this much. Those cries that Emilia heard earlier were just like the cries Subaru made when he was trying to run away from the White Whale. How was her knight able to overcome such hardship?

Emilia moves on to the next book, she needs to know what happened next.

The next time Subaru restarts he has lost all of the determination he once had. He turns to Rem, a broken man. Knowing of the dangers that await them, Subaru takes Rem to somewhere private to try to convince her to run off with him.

Emilia had no right to be shocked did she? Rem had been with Subaru throughout this whole ordeal. Even at Subaru’s lowest, Rem would always be there for him. But if that is the case then why did Subaru still come back to Emilia?

Rem refuses Subaru's proposal, stating that this offer was not from the same Subaru she knew. Subaru berates himself for all of his shortcomings and weaknesses. For every self insult Subaru lays upon himself Rem counter him with her praise. She declares her love for him. Subaru attempts to deny this love but Rem presses on with her confession.

When Subaru attempts to continue his self loathing Rem offers Subaru a chance to start over from zero. Subaru accepts Rem’s offer to start from zero. After accepting Subaru responds to Rem’s love confession with one of his own. However this confession was not for Rem, it was for Emilia. Subaru asks for Rem’s assistance to which she accepts.

Even after all this how can Subaru still say he loves Emilia? Wasn’t Rem more deserving of this love?

After learning from his mistakes Subaru successfully recruits the Crusch and Anastasia camps for his crusade against the White Whale and Witch Cult. What followed was a battle of epic proportion where Subaru bet it all to seize victory. It involved using the consequence of revealing his power to lure the White Whale to its demise. When revealing his secret Subaru senses a female presence behind him. That should have been impossible since Subaru had been falling a great distance when he revealed his secret.

Still this was a question that could be answered later. What was more important was the battle with the White Whale. It was a hard fought battle that ended in victory. Besides vanquishing the demon beast that put Subaru through hell in the last book, this battle also helped him gain the respect of Crusch, Ferris, and Wilhelm.

Out of respect Crush lent Subaru Ferris and some other troops for his crusade against the Witch Cult, and Wilhelm requested to join Subaru as well. Rem was too fatigued from battle to continue so she was forced by Ferris to return to the Capital with Crusch. Before leaving, Rem shared one last moment in the embrace of Subaru. Rem asked if she could be Subaru’s second wife. Subaru said he would only accept if Emilia allowed it. Rem said she would hold him to it. 

Subaru was interested in having multiple wives? Was his idea of marriage like Regulus’s? He was right that he would need Emilia’s permission if he were to try anything like that. But then again, after everything Emilia had witnessed, would Emilia really be able to deny that request?

Subaru saw Rem off. It would be the last time Subaru would see Rem awake. As the injured were being taken to the capital a new party joined to help with the crusade against the Witch Cult. It consisted of reserve units Anastasia had held from the battle with the White Whale. The unit’s leader was Julius. The very same man who had humiliated Subaru back at the capital.

Realizing he had to set aside his own disdain for Julius to save Emilia, Subaru decides that it is best to reconcile with Julius before doing battle with the Witch Cult. Before doing battle, Subaru meets with Petelgeuse. Sensing the miasma within Subaru, Petelgeuse prods Subaru to learn if he is Pride, in order to fill the only vacant Sin Archbishop seat left in the cult. Having no interest in joining the cult Subaru deliberately offends Petelgeuse. Petelgeuse sends his unseen hands after Subaru, only for them to be dodged. Having bought enough time Subaru receives reinforcements that are enough to put down Petelgeuse and his followers.

Subaru thanks everyone for their help then retrieves Petelgeuse’s gospel in order to try to decipher it later. With only 9 squads of cult members left Subaru sets out with the others to perform mop up duty.

Everything seems to be going fine right now. Soon Subaru should meet back up with Emilia right?

Meeting up with the others everything seems to be working out just fine. But then, out of nowhere Subaru and his allies get ambushed. Subaru is dragged away into a forest by the Unseen Hands Bound to a tree Subaru is integrated by a woman claiming to be Petelgeuse.

How could this be? Didn’t Petelgeuse just die?

The woman demands to get back the gospel that Subaru stole off of Petelgeuse’s corpse. Luckily Subaru is saved in the nick of time by Wilhelm and company. The group comes to the realization that anyone of the Witch Cult members under Petelgeuse could be used as a vessel for him

Making their way to the village the group becomes bewitched by an illusion. Apparently the illusion was cast by Ram who mistook Subaru’s group for invaders. There was a misunderstanding of a blank letter that had been received at the Mansion.

Subaru and company finally make it to Arlam village and begin evacuating the villagers. In the process of the evacuation the Witch Cult uses a bomb as the opening move for their attack.

This isn’t what happened, that can only mean Subaru is about to die? But why, he is close? In the commotion of the invasion Subaru draws the attention of another witch cultist under the possession of Petelgeuse. Subaru used one of the barrier stone’s Emilia had placed to ward off demon beasts in order to sick a pack of them on the cultist.

At least Emilia was able to help Subaru in some way this time.

Coming back to the village, Subaru finds it utterly destroyed with dead villagers spread throughout. Seeing another possessed cultist, cheering at all of the chaos, Subaru screams Petelgeuse’s sin. In a way it was a call for final reinforcement to show.

Emilia appears on the battlefield to duel with Petelgeuse’s newest vessel. With the aid of Puck, Emilia is able to entrap the cultist in a block of ice. Unfortunately Subaru’s victory would not last for long. Sensing something wrong Subaru ran as far as possible from the village. Chased down by Julius and Ferris, Petelegeuse reveals he has possessed Subaru. As Petelgeuse rambles about how he finally has a perfect vessel, Subaru regains some control and convinces Ferris and Julius to kill him where he stands.

Emilia wakes up rubbing her neck slowly, just about where Julius had slashed Subaru’s neck. Emilia sits up then begins to rub her eyes. Tears run down her face as she begins to wail.

Emilia: You were so close Subaru! So very close.

That had been the most painful book Emilia had experienced so far. To finally learn his lesson, only to still end up coming short.

Done crying, Emilia looks again at the book she just read. Emilia couldn’t help but think about an alternate timeline where Rem chose to run away with Subaru. If that had happened perhaps Subaru would have finally been able to live a truly happy life, free of suffering. But if that happened Emilia would most likely be dead.

Emilia: Rem I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but thank you for saving Subaru. I’ll make sure that I can repay you one day. It's a promise.

With that vow made Emilia turns to the next book in the pile. Emilia continues her journey inside of her knight’s memories.

This time Subaru starts over after grouping up with Julius’s forces. With Subaru revealing Petelgeuse’s body snatching ability and the blank letter that had been sent to Emilia, the group is able to form an effective battle plan. Subaru was able to convince the villagers to evacuate and made it to the mansion to report suspicious activity in the forest. He wore Emilia’s cape which allowed him to not be recognized by Emilia.

Back in the village, while still wearing Emilia’s cape, Subaru is able to convince her to evacuate with the children.

Afterward Subaru repays the Witch Cult with an ambush of his own. Now knowing the locations of each of Petelgeuse’s fingers, Subaru and the rest are able to commence with the extermination of the nearby Witch Cult forces.

Meeting again with Petelgeuse Subaru is able to learn what the cult has planned for Emilia. They wanted to use her as a vessel for Satella. With the Cult Leader distracted Subaru enacts his ambush. Angered, the Sin Archbishop gives chase to Subaru. Subaru is able to lead Petelgeuse to the base of a cliffside where he teams up with Julius to put down the Sin Archbishop down for good.

After being stabbed Petelgeuse plays his trump card. He attempts to take control of Subaru once again. However, things will not play out like they did in the last book. Subaru uses the consequences of revealing Return by Death to summon the mysterious force that has kept threatening him. The female presence from the whale fight appears in Subaru’s mind and kicks Petelgeuse out of Subaru’s body. Julius attempts one more killing blow on Petelgeuse. The cultist, in denial of his rejection, proceeds to use his unseen hands to destroy the cliffside, crushing his body. Subaru retrieves Petelgeuse’s gospel that happened to be laying on the ground next to him.

Subaru and Julius return to the Arlam village to learn that a bomb consisting of magic stones had been left on Emilia’s carriage. With the help of Otto, Subaru rushes to the caravan to save Emilia. Unfortunately for Subaru, Petelgeuse was still alive and well. The madman did battle with Subaru for one final time before finally being defeated. 

Making it to the caravan, Subaru goes in and gets the magic stones. Before he leaves Emilia asks Subaru why he came back, all Subaru could say was because he loved her. Riding his ground dragon Subaru is able to throw the magic stones into the corpse of the White Whale and makes it a safe distance away before it explodes.

Subaru thinks he has died once again before opening his eyes. He finds himself lying down on Emilia’s lap, who had been waiting for Subaru to wake up. Subaru apologizes for his behavior back at the capital. Though there was one thing Subaru wasn’t wrong about, he really did want to save Emilia. Emilia asks why Subaru saves her, to which Subaru says it is because he loves her. Not knowing what to do with these new found feelings from Subaru, Emilia asks what she is supposed to do with them. In no rush, Subaru tells Emilia to take her time and that he is willing to wait as long as it takes to get her answer.

Following their reunion, Subaru and Emilia set off to the capital to Crusch’s domain. On the way there Subaru tries to tell Emilia about Rem only to learn in horror that Emilia does not know who Subaru is. 

Once at Crusch’s mansion, Subaru learns that Crusch’s caravan had been ambushed. He finds the blue haired maid lying in a bed unable to get up due to having her names and memories eaten. Subaru looks at Rem in despair, angry that he couldn’t save her.

This is when Emilia was supposed to come in and comfort Subaru right?

Subaru looks to his right and sees a small knife on the drawer next to him. Subaru takes the knife and looks at it.

Emilia:  **Subaru what are you doing?**

Taking the knife, Subaru points it towards his throat.

Emilia:  **Subaru … don’t do this…… please ….. STOP!**

Subaru plunges the knife deep into his throat, ending his life.

Sobbing once again, Emilia wakes up again in the library, holding the book she just read.

Emilia: Subaru, why? Just because you have the power to Return by Death doesn’t mean you should abuse it like that!

Subaru: I have to save Rem! I was supposed to be her hero!

Emilia stands up once hearing Subaru’s voice but then remembers her previous hallucination. There would be no point in going on wild goose chase for a Subaru who wasn’t here.

Emilia looks at the books left. She was almost half way through. It was hard to believe that after all that Emilia still had another half left to read. But if Emilia wanted to know Subaru’s fate she had to keep on reading.

The next few books cover Subaru’s time in Sanctuary. No matter where he turned Subaru faced dangers he could not overcome alone. Whether it was Elsa and Meili attacking the mansion, incurring Garfiels wraith, or the Great Hare, Subaru had no answer.

When Emilia finished reading the book where Subaru was eaten alive by the Great Hare, all Emilia could do was caress herself tightly. Never before had she experienced something so gruesome. She had just woken up from that book but could still feel her skin crawl. All this was happening while Emilia couldn’t get passed the first trial.

All Emilia could be reminded of was how much of this was caused by her inability to beat the first trial. Sure he couldn’t in those books because she was still under contract with Puck, but still. To know Subaru had gone through all this was terribly horrifying.

Emilia: Now that I think about it, Subaru never did tell me he took the Trials.

Emilia remembered Subaru’s first trial. Whenever Subaru spoke of coming from a far off land she never knew what he truly meant. To think that someone could come from beyond the waterfall. People who would claim such an origin would be laughed off as frauds, but Subaru was a genuine article.

Not just that but Subaru never came to her world willingly. He was just a shut in who didn’t have much aspirations in life. But he never did get to have a meaningful goodbye to his parents. Subaru was able to make peace with this but Emilia still hoped that maybe one day he could speak to them once more.

There was also the issue of Roswaal. Her benefactor had apparently been aware of the Witch Cult’s plan to attack Emilia but did nothing to stop it. Merely saying that it would be no benefit to Emilia’s cause for him to defeat the cultists? How can a benefactor be so unreliable?

Emilia also learned of Subaru’s relationship with Echidna. Apparently because he was of some interest to her, she let him take the trials. However after having taken the first trial Subaru declared that he didn’t need to take the rest of the Trials because Emilia would beat them.

Emilia’s heart throbbed when she heard that. For Subaru to have that kind of confidence in her made her feel warm inside. Sure Subaru didn’t know what hardship Emilia would face in her trial, but it was the thought that counted the most. If she did find Subaru again Emilia would have to show him that she was worth putting that amount of faith in.

The first step in that process would be to keep reading Subaru’s books so that is what she did. Emilia read another book to find Subaru in the Tomb once again.

Overcome by his recent death to the Great Hare, Subaru bashes his head on the tomb’s floor. He bashes his head repeatedly at the seeming futility of his efforts.

In response to his cries for answers Echidna sends Subaru back to her dream world. Subaru felt a sudden rush of calmness wash through his body once he was transported to Echidna’s world.

Coming to his senses Subaru starts putting enough things together to ask Echidna how much she knows. It seemed just too convenient to get another audience with the Witch of Greed. With a smirk, Echidna tells Subaru to test her. With this request Subaru tells Echidna about Return by Death. Nothing happens in response to this revelation.

Surprised by the lack of punishment, Subaru repeats his abiility’s name repeatedly before confessing all of the pain and torment he has been through since coming to Lugunica. On his knees Subaru weeped at all the times he failed to save those precious to him. Echidna knelt next to Subaru and patted his head to assure him that she understood all his pain and that she could help if Subaru just talked to her about it.

All Emilia could think is why did Echidna not get punished? Why was Echidna allowed to comfort Subaru in his hour of need? Why couldn’t Subaru share this important part of him with Emilia?

After this Echidna talks to Subaru about his relationship with the Witch of Envy. Apparently the Witch of Envy had no intention of letting Subaru know true death. Other people dying is not taken into account by Envy. What Subaru takes from this is that he needs to use Return by Death to get as much information as possible so that no one has to die.

While there Subaru asks about the Great Hare. To help Subaru gather information Echidna calls out the soul of Daphine to speak to Subaru. Some other witches get involved beforehand but in the end Subaru learns that the Great Hare is attracted to mana. Also Subaru needs to do is use a high mana user as a lure to take out all of the rabbits at once.

Meeting with Echidna again, Subaru feels a sudden jolt jump through his body. Echidna sees him out, but not before using Subaru’s handkerchief as payment.

Waking up on the cold tomb floor, Subaru looks all around but does not find Emilia.

But why isn’t she there? Emilia could never imagine abandoning Subaru in a cold and dark place like that tomb.

Subaru ventures out of the tomb only to see a vast sea of darkness. It was like if the shadows themselves had flooded Sanctuary. There was no one in sight, Subaru was all alone without a clue in the world.

A figure arises from the sea of shadows and approaches Subaru. The figure is a silver haired woman in a black dress. She is the same presence that has haunted Subaru everytime he revealed Return by Death. Without a doubt she is the Witch of Envy. All the words the witch repeats are “I love you”. She approaches Subaru and embraces him.

Garfiel comes in the knick of time to save Subaru, jumping between Subaru and the witch. Grabbing Subaru Garfiel escapes to get a better vantage point of the situation. After deducting where the witch is heading, Subaru and Garfiel attempt to intercept Envy. Despite his best efforts, Garfield is swiftly defeated by Envy.

The witch repeats her love for Subaru. Subaru rejects this love and tells Envy that he would much prefer the other witches to her. Angered, Envy envelopes Subaru in shadows. Pinned to the ground Subaru realizes he won’t be allowed to die. The handkerchief tied to his left wrist begins to glow. Subaru swiftly deduces that Echidna knew this was going to happen. Subaru stabs himself with the enchanted handkerchief.

The witch cries in response to Subaru’s impending death and draws herself closer to Subaru. With the Witch’s veil in reach, Subaru unveils Envy's face. To his shock he sees the face of Emilia. In his last moments Subaru wipes the girls tears before declaring that he will save her.

Emilia jumps up from the ground as she awakens from the book. Only more doubts plague her mind.

Emilia: Why did the Witch look exactly like me? Why does the Witch love Subaru? Think Emilia, think.

The Witch could have shown up as a result of Subaru telling Echidna about Return by Death. But by all accounts Echidna probably already knew about Return by Death. Perhaps when Subaru was confessing he might have spoken in his sleep. Emilia remembered from a previous book in which Subaru found Emilia speaking in her sleep as she undertook the trials. Combined with the fact that the Witch Cult wanted to use Emilia as a vessel for the Witch of Envy, it would be reasonable to assume that Envy took control of Emilia’s body as punishment for Emilia learning about Return by death.

That still didn’t answer anything about the Witch’s love though. All that ment was Emilia would need to continue reading.

The next book takes Emilia right back to the tomb floor. Shaken by his recent encounter with the Witch of Envy, Subaru approaches Emilia cautiously as she wakes up. Feeling ashamed Subaru begins to cry. Emilia comforts Subaru as he cries. She is blissfully unaware of what has happened to him but knows he needs her help.

Once out of the tomb Subaru resolves to use this loop to get information. He believes that he knows hell and doesn’t want anyone else to experience what he has experienced. Unfortunately his tough guy act gets easily broken during his encounter with Elsa, who now is revealed to be assisted by another assassin, Meili. Unable to save anyone from the mansion, Subaru is teleported back to Sanctuary down one eye.

Using a sleeve of his jacket as an eyepatch Subaru makes his way to Emilia, who is currently attempting the trials. Once there Subaru is horrified by what he sees. Emilia’s psyche has been completely broken. She does not take notice of Subaru’s injuries and only showers him in praise. She even tells Subaru that she loves him.

Distraught at what he has seen and heard, Subaru leaves the tomb. Subaru rejects that Emilia would ever tell him that she loved him. The only reason Subaru could think of for this behavior was that Emilia had been driven to a corner. Suspicious, Subaru takes Garfiel with him to interrogate Roswaal.

During the interrogation Roswaal kills Ram and Garfiel to talk in private with Subaru. Subaru can only look in shock at what he has witnessed. Noting Subaru’s attitude, Roswaal reveals to Subaru that he knows of Subaru’s ability to reset the world. Roswaal points to his Book of Wisdom as to why he knows this information. 

Not knowing the mechanism behind Subaru’s reset power, Roswaal attempts to force Subaru to reset by beating him. The beating is interrupted by the appearance of the Great Hare. With Roswaal accepting his death by the Great Hare Subaru attempts to escape. Despite his wounds Subaru makes it to Emilia. Ignorant to Subaru’s pain Emilia offers Subaru a lap pillow for coming back. As Subaru bleeds out, Emilia kisses Subaru before he dies.

After reading that book all Emilia can do is cradle that book. Emilia lays on the floor, in the fetal position, weeping, tears flow through her eyes like waterfalls. Letting of the book Emilia covered her eyes.. 

Emilia: I’m sorry I did that to you Subaru! You forgave Rem right? After all she did to you …. you can forgive me two right?

Of course Subaru couldn’t reply back. After all, Subaru had been gone for a long time. In reality Emilia wanted to seek forgiveness from herself. While Emilia had no recollection of these memories, these things did happen. They represented a possible route Emilia was capable of going down.

It was not just how the Emilia in that last book ignored all of Subaru’s pain that disturbed the half-elf. It was the last deluded act that she saw that broke her. The kiss that Subaru received before his death. This was back when Emilia still thought that babies were made through kissing. Emilia could only shudder in horror knowing what she could have done to Subaru if she knew then what she knows now. Subaru was defenseless and broken beyond repair; and all Emilia wanted to do was force herself on him, caring not for the current condition Subaru was in.

Emilia lied on the floor of the Library of Taygeta for some time. She could not bear to move a muscle. How in the world was Subaru able to go through all this trauma? How could he still love her despite all the pain she has caused him? If only she had been stronger.

With that wish to be stronger Emilia realizes that the path forward is the same as ever. Just like Subaru, Emilia would have to put away her tears to continue to persevere. She thought of all the times her knight got right back up no matter what happened.

Emilia does not know what the next book brings, only how it ends. Even so, she must continue. If Emilia truly wants to be forgiven she has to continue. She gets up off the floor and walks to the pile of books.

Emilia: Here goes nothing!

This was quite possibly the longest book Emilia had read to this point. The events in Sanctuary play out just like she remembers them. Whether it was the first kiss she shared with Subaru back at the tomb, the fight with Garfiel, or the final confrontation with the Great Hare. This was indeed the book where Subaru would conquer the treats that plagued him since he entered Sanctuary.

What intrigued Emilia most off all was what she had not been privy to prior. Subaru was able to challenge the second trial, but he failed it miserably. The second trial is supposed to show a potential present. The very nature of the trial conflicted with Return by Death. All Subaru could see was worlds he had left behind. His mind was plagued by thoughts of self doubt. He thought he had saved everyone, but in reality he might have saved hardly anyone and failed many more.

Back in Echidna’s Castle of Dreams, Subaru tries to confirm what is true. Did he reset the world or did he merely leave it behind? The best answer he could get from Echidna was that either possibility could be correct.

Echidna attempts to offer Subaru a contract in exchange for his assistance. During the conversation the other five witches come out and warn Echidna of how deceitful she can be. As it turned out Echidna would help Subaru. However the help she would give would not lead Subaru to the quickest route to victory. She would instead use him as a guinea pig to see all of the potential possibilities a problem could produce. In the end Subaru rejected that contract.

Even more shocking than the contract offer was the last surprise guest to the tea party, the Witch of Envy, Satella. Though that might not be exactly accurate. According to the other witches besides Echidna, the Witch of Envy was a split personality of Satella, they were not the same person. The one before Subaru now was Satella, not the Witch of Envy. Save Echidna the other witches bore no ill will towards Satella, the same could not be said for the Witch of Envy. In the midst of Satella’s appearance, Daphine, the Witch of Gluttony, remarked on how this was the first time in quite some time that the seven witches and a sage candidate had gathered for a tea party.

Satella had come to tell Subaru that he should love himself more and that Subaru himself is worth saving. She told him that he had saved her and gave her everything. Subaru had no recollection of any of that. It took a bit of help from the other witches but Subaru eventually agreed that he should love himself more and not be so willing to abuse Return by Death.

In his final moments in the Dream Castle, Satella tells Subaru that he must come to where she is sealed and kill him. Despite that wish though all Subaru can do is vow to save Satella.

It was difficult for Emilia to process it all. While it answered some questions, like how Volcanica attacked her when Emilia mentioned the Witch of Envy, new questions were raised. How does Satella know Subaru? What exactly even is a sage candidate? Is that why Shaula called Subaru master? But more importantly was what had been shown to Subaru during the second trial true. What if the world didn’t reset when Subaru died? What if when Subaru dies the world continues on as if nothing had happened?

Another disturbing development was what was going on with Roswaal. Apparently he had been body snatching with his descendants for generations. All in an effort to reunite with his teacher. Emilia also learned of the contract Subaru made with Roswaal. In exchange for Roswaal’s loyalty Subaru would need to save everyone he had saved that day. If Subaru were to fail then Roswaal would kill all those Subaru held dear in an attempt to make Subaru reset. The last shock revelation was that Roswaal had not ordered all of the assansiation attempts. He had only ordered the one on Emilia the day she had her insignia stolen, and on Beatrice. The demon beast incident during Subaru’s first week of the mansion and the hit on the maids of Roswaal’s mansion were made by a third party.

While it was a relief to learn that Roswaal was not behind all of the assasination orders, it was equally distressing that Roswaal had Subaru on such a tight leash. Emilia wondered if in one of the next books if Roswaal would live up to his end of the bargain.

After the events of Sanctuary came one of the most precious memories of Subaru. It was the night Emilia made Subaru her knight. Subaru had come a long way since falsely claiming to be her knight at the capital. He had proven himself more than worthy to be at Emilia’s side. Emilia just wondered if she was worthy enough to be side by side with Subaru.

What came next was nearly a year of peace. This was the most relaxing time Emilia had while reading Subaru’s books. Sure there were some odd antics that would pop up now and then, but all and all it was happy times in the Emilia camp.

Of course this peace would end when Subaru went to Priestella. There he would once again die due to the Sin Archbishop of Wraith, Sirius. The madwoman dropped a boy from a clocktower to a thunderous applause. She had used her authority to perverse the crowd. Even Subaru wasn’t immune to it. Once the boy’s skull smashed into the floor, Subaru died once more.

Grasping her head, Emilia opens her eyes once more. Thoughts rushed through her mind. Should Emilia leave the library right this instance. Everything Emilia thought about Return by Death had been flipped on its head. She couldn’t rely on it resetting the world when Subaru died. Emilia gazed to the exit of the library till she came to her answer.

Once again Emilia looked to the pile of remaining books.

Emilia: I hate to take inspiration from Roswaal but he might have the right thinking here. There is a good chance my Subaru is already dead. However, the next Emilia’s Subaru might not be dead. I’ll finish reading these books as a favor for my future selves. If Subaru is truly dead then I will mourn for him dearly. I may never find love again. But if I do not read the remaining books I’m doing too much of a disservice to the Emilias that come after me.

Emilia picks up another book and continues her journey.

Three more books, three more books is all that it takes to get through the events of Priestella. Despite the convergence of the remaining Sin Archbishops only one of them ever killed Subaru. Sirius, the Sin Archbishop of Wraith, was major thorn in Subaru’s side. The cultist had been responsible in one way or another for all of Subaru’s deaths.

Sirius’s infatuation with Subaru was quite disturbing. For some reason when Subaru used the Authority of Sloth, Sirius completely changed her attitude. She mistook Subaru for Petelgeuse. When Emilia took a closer look at Sirius she started to see a faint resemblance to Fortuna. The purple eyes, silver hair, and elven ears. Emilia was sure that Fortuna was dead. At the very least Emilia hoped that was the case.

Subaru had also encountered the Sin Archbishop of Lust, Capella. That cultist was particularly revolting to Emilia. Capella boiled down all love to simple primal instincts and that people only loved each other for superficial reasons. The cultist went as far as to toy with Subaru by transforming herself to Emilia, whom Subaru had lost to the Sin Archbishop of Greed, Regulus. Emilia would make sure to make Capella pay for what she did if Emilia ever ended up crossing paths with her.

Eventually Subaru, with the help of Reinhard, would come to rescue Emilia from her forced marriage with Regulus. Thanks to Subaru’s cunning and wit, the three were able to put down the Sin Archbishop for good.

Emilia had been real close to dying during the fight with Regulus. Using his Authority to plant part of his heart into Emilia, Regulus had what he thought to be the perfect hostage. If they had wanted to kill Regulus they would have to kill Emilia first. Being the selfless person that she was, Emilia almost encased herself in ice. Put fortunately for her Subaru wouldn’t let Emilia self sacrifice herself. Using the Authority of Sloth, Subaru crushed the parasitic heart of Regulus that was inside of Emilia. That created an opening for Emilia and Reinhard to defeat Regulus.

With that the Siege of Priestella would soon conclude and Subaru would begin to trek to the Pleiades Watchtower in search of Shaula, the alleged Sage, one of the Three Heros.

Unfortunately during that journey Subaru would get killed by a mysterious white light in the distance.

Once again finding herself on the floor, Emilia faintly smiles. While she knew this book ended with death she was still impressed with her knight. Despite all of the difficulties in Priestella, Subaru had died only three times. With only four books left, Emilia was almost at the end of her journey.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Emilia immediately reached for the next book and opened it.

The next four books covered some of the toughest challenges Subaru had to face yet. He died once more to the mysterious white light that shot off from the distance. Eventually Subaru figured out a way to pass this obstacle, but not before getting himself separated from the others in an underground cave.

In this cave Subaru dies two more times. Once is to a Hungry Horse King, who burns Subaru to ashes. In the other death Subaru is infected by miasma poisoning. He engaged in a horrific fight with both Ram and Anastasia before finally getting his head bit off by his loyal ground dragon Patrasche.

Subaru would eventually find a way past the Hungry Horse King. Sure it was pure luck that Shaula showed up in time, but a victory is still victory.

Once waking up Subaru would help Emilia and the others clear the first of the trials of the Pleiades Watchtower. Using his other worldly knowledge he did what no one else could. The group's efforts were stopped by Reid at the second trial. Only Emilia passed the second trial. Looking back on it now Emilia wished she would have just gone up ahead and challenged the third trial. She ended up doing that in the end anyway. If she did that then maybe Subaru wouldn’t have lost his memories in the first place.

In search of an answer to defeat Reid, Subaru would venture through the Taygeta library to find Reid’s book of the dead. Eventually Subaru would find it. But instead of seeing Reid’s memories Subaru was transported to a place called the Corridor of Memories. This was where souls would be cleansed to be recycled for the next life. The memories taken from these souls would become books that would be placed in the Taygeta Library.

That was not the only surprise for Subaru. In the Corridor of Memories Subaru would encounter Louis the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony. How a Sin Archbishop was in the Corridor of Memories remains a mystery to this day.

The Sin Archbishop would make prey of Subaru, but could not eat all of his memories. She could not eat the memories of before he came to Lugunica. Louis was extremely interested in Subaru’s ability of Return by Death, however she had no means of copying it. What she resorted to was using a clone of herself to insert into Subaru. Louis surmised that Subaru would find his way back up here and once he did Louis would have a new feast of memories to partake in. 

After that Emilia and Beatrice found Subaru in the library and returned him to the Green Room. Once he woke up he revealed that he had no recollection of any of them. Emilia and most of the others would leave Subaru to challenge the second trial again. Unfortunately during this time Subaru would reach his untimely demise by being pushed off a ledge.

Emilia got up triumphantly and began jumping around. She cheered for she had finally read all the books.

Emilia: I did it! I did it! I did it! I don’t know how Subaru was able to figure out it was Meili who pushed him off the ledge but I finally did it. This means Subaru is still out there somewhere!

All Emilia had to do was look around and check that there were no more books. If there were no more books then that meant Subaru was still alive. All Emilia would have to then is find Subaru and save him.

But just as the half-elf turned around to look at the bookcase behind her dread immediately set in.

Emilia: No ….. that’s not possible ….. my eyes have to be playing tricks on me.

Emilia slumps down to the ground in defeat. The once jubilant face Emilia put on in victory was now stained by tears flowing down her cheeks. All she could do was point at what was infront of her.

Emilia: Subaru …. please still be alive … I’m begging you!

In the bookshelf in front of Emilia, there was not just one Book of the Dead belonging to Subaru, but twenty one Books of the Dead belonging to Subaru.

Just when Emilia felt that her quest had just ended she had learned that she hadn’t been done with half of it. Emilia could only sit there and think about how much Subaru must have suffered just to help everyone survive the trials of the Pleiades Watchtower and the surprise attack of the Gluttony siblings. It wasn’t even just Subaru, it was a Subaru that didn’t even know what made him the man he was before losing his memories.

But if a scared boy thrown into one of the most dangerous places in the world could endure all of this then Emilia would have to meet that determination head on. Emilia would quest once again to read the remaining twenty one books.

These books were indeed the hardest trial Emilia would have to undergo. But in a way they were familiar. This Subaru without his memories was going through a similar journey that Emilia had just experienced.

Emilia experienced the fear of this new Subaru. Once he caught on to the fact that he was dying and restarting he could not trust anyone. He attempted to run away from the tower. It was the worst thing he could do. He was immediately attacked by a giant earthworm. The confrontation with the demon beast leads Subaru to a cave. Making his way through a passageway filled with miasma, Subaru found a door that had seven jewels. Four of the jewels glowed as Subaru approached. Subaru tried to open the door but couldn’t. He eventually got teleported to the bottom floor of the Pleiades Watchtower. Madend by the misama he consumed earlier, Subaru’s blood lust boils over. All he could think of was killing everyone in the tower. But all Subaru would find were corpses save Emilia and Beatrice. Eventually Subaru would get killed by one of the Gluttony brothers.

In the next book Subaru is suspicious of everyone and refuses to mention his amnesia. He finds himself alone in a room with Meili before losing consciousness. Subaru wakes up to find Meili dead and all the evidence pointing to him being the culprit. He tries to cover it up. Eventually he ends up reading Meili’s Book of the Dead confirming he killed her. After reading the book Subaru begins to hallucinate about Meili. Whether the hallucinations were because he read the book or because of his guilt is anyone's guess. Subaru begins to contemplate killing everyone to read their Books of the Dead. Subaru had truly entered a dark state of mind.

Eventually Subaru would earn the ire of everyone and finds himself locked in an ice cage. By not being honest from the beginning he had trapped himself. Subaru gets knocked out. When he wakes up everything is in chaos. As he treks throughout the tower all of his compatriots are killed. Subaru soon begins to realize he was wrong to think of these people as his enemies. He eventually makes his way to Emilia. Emilia tells Subaru everything he had done to this point where he woke up after falling unconscious to the library. She reintroduces herself as Emilia to him hoping he will do the same. Subaru finds the courage to share his name. Soon after as Emilia was about to confess one more thing the shadows of the Witch of Envy consume them.

Emilia had a feeling of what that confession might have been. It was a feeling that had been developing in Emilia for quite a while now.

In the next book Subaru, now with the resolve to save everyone, attempts to figure out how to do just that. First things first was preventing Meili from pushing him off the ledge. Subaru would thwart Meili’s ploy, much to her dismay. Despite what she tried to do Subaru told Meili he forgave her. The two eventually reconciled with Emilia’s help.

Subaru would eventually figure out how he lost his memories in the first place. Subaru figured out that the old him would have Reid’s book to figure out how to defeat him. With that in mind Subaru opens that book to find himself in the Corridor of Memories. There he would encounter Louis who was attempting to take advantage of Subaru’s identity separation between his current self and his forgotten self. Only when this was done could Louis eat his name again.

Subaru had almost given in but was saved by Rem of all people. How the blue haired oni maid was in the Corridor or Memories was unknown. Either way her words gave Subaru the courage he needed not to give in to Louis’s desires. Louis tells Subaru to leave and go die in the most painful ways possible. She also tells him that her brothers are coming since she can’t leave the Corridor of Memories.

After waking up begins one of the most painful checkpoints Subaru would ever come to experience. For eighteen books Subaru would battle the five obstacles of the Pleiades Watchtower. The obstacles were Sin Archbishop Ley Batenkaitos, Sin Archbishop Roy Alphard, A horde of demon beasts, a giant scorpion, and the Witch of Envy herself.

Subaru would always find Emilia in combat with Ley. Apparently while Subaru was in the Corridor of Memories Ley ahad eaten Emiia’s name. Even if the world forgot Emilia there still remained one person who would always remember, Nautski Subaru.

There was also the other Gluttony brother running around, Roy Alphard. The Sin Archbishop had found a way to consume Reid Astrea of all people. However Reid Astrea proved to be too much for Roy to handle. Reid would end up taking over Roy’s body and end up leaving the floor Elecktra out of pure boredom. Looking for a fight he would end up killing Subaru in several books.

The Pleiades Watchtower was also under assault from demon beasts brought by the two Gluttony brothers. Without Shaula’s and Meili’s assistance the beasts would end up getting inside the tower.

Speaking of Shaula, Subaru would learn a horrific secret about the Sage apprentice. When the rules of Pleiades Watchtower were broken Shaula would transform into a giant scorpion and kill anyone who was in her path, whether they be friend or foe. Despite Shaula wanting to die, Subaru believed Shaula was worth saving.

The last obstacle was the most difficult. No matter how Subaru dealt with the first four obstacles he could make no headway against the Witch of Envy. Whenever she arrived Subaru was doomed to die. Emilia had no idea why the Witch of Envy was so set on killing Subaru. At first she thought the Witch had come to kill Subaru because of the clone of Louis in Subaru’s body. But based on Ram’s description of what happened in the Green Room before Vollachia blew a hole through the tower, the Witch still showed up.

In the end Subaru would die 18 times once coming out of the Corridor of Memories. He would never know victory, only cold bitter defeat. Even regaining his memories was beyond Subaru’s reach.

After reading the final new book Emilia woke up. Not wanting a repeat of what happened last time she thought she had finished reading, Emilia held her emotions together. All she could do was wander the Library of Taygeta to make sure she had not missed a single one of Subaru’s books of the dead. She walked for what seemed like ages but alas the half-elf could not find a new book.

Emilia: So I guess it’s finally over. I’m happy to know all that has haunted my knight for as long as I have known him. Still, I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself for letting you down this much Subaru. 

Emilia’s mouth formed a bittersweet smile as she looked at the pile of books she just read. Somewhere in all of those books was the truth that Emilia had believed to be true. But in reality the world had been a far crueler place to Subaru then Emilia could have ever imagined.

At the very least the final book indicated that Subaru is still very much alive, just missing. Emilia had no idea where to find her knight, just that she had to find him no matter the cost.

A voice rang out from behind the half-elf. It was a warm and kind voice that Emilia fondly remembered.

Subaru: Emilia there is no reason to forgive yourself, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Emilia turned around to see the man she thought was long out of her reach. It was Subaru, her one and only knight, the man who would stay loyal to her no matter what. For some reason he was in the outfit he wore to his knighting ceremony. Strange, Emilia didn’t remember Subaru packing that with him before going on this journey to the Pleiades Watchtower.

With a look of absolute joy Emilia ran up to Subaru to greet him. Her heart was pounding uncontrollably. The man she loved was here before her.

Emilia: Your back Subaru! I thought I would never see you again!

Emilia began to approach Subaru, only for her knight to raise his hand in front of her. Emilia stopped right in her tracks when Subaru raised his hand.

Emilia: Huh. What are you doing Subaru?

Subaru: I’m sorry Emilia but I don’t have much time. All I know there is something that needs to be said. Yes you have read my Books of the Dead. But do not let that drag you down. While I regret how many times I died, I do not regret what I died for. There are many people in this world I hold dear to me, you are no exception. In fact you are the one I love the most. Ever since that day back in the alley I fell for you. Sure you didn’t remember it, but that moment told me everything I need to know about you. So rest easy Emilia, no matter what happens to me in the future I will always love you with all my heart and soul.

Subaru then takes his hand and points it upwards, striking the pose she fondly remembered him doing.

Subaru: EMT! Emilia-tan you are truly a major angel!

Moving his left hand behind his head, Subaru takes his right hand and points it directly at Emilia.

Subaru: Never lose your smile Emilia-tan. It truly doesn’t suit you. Well then sayonara!

With that Emilia’s knight began to fade into nothingness. Emilia reached out for her knights hand, but alas once she reached it he was gone.

It was at this point Emilia realized she had just hallucinated Subaru’s appearance. Subaru never had been there in the first place. Emilia should have known better considering how Subaru was easily talking about dying multiple times and not being punished by the Witch of Envy for such a revelation.

Emilia: Even if that Subaru wasn’t real I know deep down that those words are what he would have wanted to tell me.

With newfound determination, Emilia exits the Library of Taygeta. As she walks down the stars Emilia makes an important vow she must keep no matter what.

Emilia: Subaru, my knight, my love, rest assured I will save you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How does the revelations about Subaru's Return by Death effect Emilia's self confidence. Find out in the next chapter: Doubt & Determination
> 
> Other Notes, Someone should take this chapter and make a reaction fic series for it. I don't have the time for it unfortunately. Due to the nature of this chapter


	3. Doubt & Determination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This marks the end of what was originally planned for chapter 1.

On the journey back to the Roswaal Mansion, all Emilia could think about was the vow she didn’t keep when she left the Taygeta Library. She vowed that she would save Subaru yet she couldn’t do even that. Emilia had left the Pleiades Watchtower with such fire in her eyes. Yet as the days past all she could think of was what could have possibly become of Subaru. Due to circumstances out of her control she couldn’t save him. Disappointment hung over Emilia’s heart.

Disappoint could easily be remedied through. The true issue at hand was that Roswaal was trying to marry off Subaru. Emilia thought Roswaal was supposed to be loyal to them no. Surely Subaru wouldn’t want this either. right?

A voice called out to Emilia, interrupting her thoughts.

Frederica: Emilia-sama are you okay? You have been rather quiet since we set off from Priestella.

Emilia: I’m sorry Frederica. I have just been thinking about a lot of things. I didn’t mean to worry you all.

Frederica: Thank you Emilia-sama. Remember that Rem-san and I are always at your beck and call if you need anything.

Emilia smiled at Frederica before turning to the window of the dragon carriage. It had been sometime since they left Priestella. There was beautiful countryside for as far the eye could see. Emilia then placed her hand on her cheek as she pondered what she had learned of what happened to Subaru.

While getting consumed by Volcanica’s attack, Subaru had been teleported to the Vollachia Empire. During her studies Emilia had read up about how cold and unforgiving the country of Vollachia could be. The strong ruled with an iron first and the weak were left to die. Chances were great that Subaru had died many times while at Vollachia. Only Subaru knows how many painful demises he suffered while over there. While it may have been only a month for Emilia since she last saw Subaru, it could have easily been ages for Subaru. With all of that time he could have long discarded any feeling he had for Emilia.

Subaru wasn’t alone in Vollachia either. He had Rem by his side. The same girl who had been by Subaru’s countless times before since Subaru’s first week of the mansion, until her tragic fate at the hands of Ley Batenkaitos.

Emilia’s thoughts or Rem were a bit of an enigma. In no way was Emilia a supporter of polygamy. On the other hand Emilia couldn’t overlook all that Rem had done for Subaru. Having read Subaru’s Books of the Dead, Emilia knew that the blue haired oni had truly fallen for her knight. Rem fell for him so much that she denied Subaru’s attempt to run away with her, because he wasn’t the Subaru she knew. Rem didn’t know Subaru to be a quitter and fully accepted that Emilia was number one in Subaru’s heart. At the very least Emilia wouldn’t have immediately rejected the proposal if Subaru brought up Rem wanting to be his second wife.

Then again the Rem that was with Subaru probably still hadn’t regained her memories yet. Considering how long it took for Rem to fall in love with Subaru the first time the blue haired oni was probably head over heels for Subaru all over again. She might not even settle for being Subaru’s second wife. Rem might want to make him exclusively hers. Truly Rem would be a worthy love rival. 

It would like one one of those love triangles in those romance novels Emilia had been sneaking into her room for the past year. Ever since Subaru told Emilia that she loved her Emilia had been trying to learn what love was. To do this she had been reading several romance novels. The books were innocent at first, but in the aftermath of not knowing what a virgin was during a conversation with Regulus, Emilia started to pick up more adult romantic novels. She read a couple of them during the long journey to Pleiades Watchtower. They definitely weren’t the kinds of books Puck would have let her look at if he had still been around. Emilia had to make sure she hid exactly what she was reading from the others on the trip. It was just too embarrassing to talk about.

But wait, forget love triangles. What if there was a third woman involved? Not the mentally impaired girl Subaru brought with him to the mansion. Emilia could only shake her head in embarrassment at the initial fear of Subaru already replacing her in his heart with some unknown girl he just met. Emilia was thinking about fellow Royal Selection candidate Priscilla Barielle.

The Royal Selection candidate had also been at the Vollachia Empire with Subaru and apparently helped rescue him. What if Priscilla had got word of Roswaal’s plans for Subaru and rescued Subaru with the intent of marrying him. Even if Priscilla was a Royal Selection candidate it would not be unlike Priscilla to ignore rules that inconvenienced her. She would be a very capable wife. She even took down the Sin Archbishop of Wraith, Sirius.

Then again, Priscilla was already married right? Even though Royal Selection candidates are barred from marriage, an exception was made for Priscilla since she was already married beforehand. Though from what Emilia heard Priscilla’s husband was either already dead or in a vegatative state. It probably wouldn’t take much to make herself a widow, again. Thinking back on it nothing good happened to any of the men Priscilla married. How come men still flocked to Priscilla then?

Meditating on the question, Emilia thinks back to one of the first times she met Priscilla. It was at the castle in the capital of Lugunica. Through a series of coincidental events, Subaru had come to the castle with Priscilla. Priscilla took advantage of the confusion as soon as Emilia asked what Subaru was doing over in the castle when she told him to stay at the inn. She took Subaru’s arm and pulled it inside of her bosom. Was Priscilla planting the seeds for her conquest that early?

With that memory Emilia looks down at her own breasts. While they weren’t small they in no way could compete with Priscilla’s. Emilia crossed her arms, becoming consumed in even more self doubt.

When reading Subaru’s Books of Death Emilia had experienced all of Subaru’s life in Lugunica. It was not just the important moments but the mundane ones as well, whether they were shared with others or private. Thinking of Priscilla’s talent for seducing men, Emilia remembers Subaru’s habit of occasionally relieving his urges by pleasuring himself at night. Sometimes he would even moan Emilia’s name while doing so. Emilia was red with embarrassment when she first came across these memories. Not wanting to dwell on these private moments, Emilia just dismissed them as Subaru controlling his urges in private.

Though now all Emilia could think was that she misinterpreted Subaru’s intent. These weren’t acts of consideration for others but acts of desperation. Alone with no one to share a bed with, Subaru would relieve himself of the tension he had built up since his last session.

It had been over a year since Subaru had confessed his love to Emilia and the half-elf had yet to give an answer to those feelings. Emilia should have given an answer to Subaru before now. Compared to half-elfs, humans have much shorter lifespans. Emilia may have been taking Subaru’s time for granted.

What if when Priscilla seduced him Subaru had enough of waiting on Emilia and accepted Priscilla’s advances. Emilia’s cheeks burned bright red as images of Priscilla taking advantage of Subaru flooded her mind. Her heart cannot help but beat rapidly. Emilia vigorously begins to shake her head to get those thoughts out of her head.

Eventually a thought dawned on her that alleviated her stress. The whole point of Roswaal marrying off Subaru was to improve Emilia’s chances at the Royal selection. No matter what Priscilla could offer Emilia’s camp it would make no sense to give her their most valued knight.

With this embarrassing realization, Emilia realized she needed to calm down. All of this commotion over Subaru marrying someone had gotten Emilia performing unnecessary mental gymnastics.

When Emilia got back to the mansion she could have a heart to heart discussion with Subaru. Fretting over what could happen would not make this dragon carriage travel any faster after all. Until then all Emilia could do was pray that Subaru had still held his love for her and wouldn’t be swayed by all of the women Roswaal was sending his way.

Come to think of it, why was Roswaal calling upon so many women to court Subaru? From what Emilia knew of arranged marriages typically both parties had agreed on the matter long before the marriage took place. Emilia would have thought that Roswaal would already have a woman planned for Subaru.

Emilia turned her head to the two maids Frederica and Ram, who were conversing amongst themselves. They probably wanted to give Emilia what little privacy they could in this small dragon carriage.

Emilia: Frederica do you happen to know why Roswaal is bringing Subaru so many potential wives? I can’t be the only monogamous woman out there.

Ram: Because Barusu is truly a perverse man.

Frederica: Now, now Ram-san, play nice.

Frederica admonishes Ram before turning to the curious half-elf who was giving the maid an inquisitive look.

Frederica: Well you see Roswaal-sama knows how precious you are to Subaru-sama. He knew in advance that marrying off Subaru-sama would be the tallest of orders. If he were to arrange a marriage with a woman not of Subaru-sama’s choosing the results could have been catastrophic.

Emilia nodded her head at every word to come out of Frederica’s mouth. At the very least it seemed that even if Emilia made it late to the mansion Subaru would still be there for her. She sighed a breath of relief. Then Frederica continued her explanation.

Frederica: So in order to ensure the best chances of Subaru-sama's cooperation Roswaal-sama set out to find 72 worthy candidates who could not just help your chances of winning the Royal Selection, but also make sure Subaru-sama would be content.He gave the women specific instructions that they were allowed to do anything to capture Subaru-sama’s heart.

Emilia’s head stopped nodding completely. 72 women? Emilia thought Roswaal was only bringing a handful of women. A thought then struck Emilia’s head. Subaru had always mentioned something about a heroine ranking. That meant that Subaru was always ranking the women he met right? If Emilia was Subaru’s number 1 then that meant Roswaal wanted to lower her rank significantly.

There was one more question that plagued Emilia’s mind.

Emilia: Frederica, what did you mean when you said the women could do anything to Subaru?

Frederica: As long as they don’t injure Subaru-sama they are allowed to use anything in their means to convince them. Whether it be love potions, charms, natural beauty, or seduction; all is fair in love and war.

After hearing this the images of Subaru getting seduced by other women pour back into Emilia’s mind. Roswaal really was going all out to get Subaru married. If she was late there would be no that Subaru wouldn’t be married already.

Emilia: Frederica, will we make back to the mansion in time before Subaru chooses who to wed?

Frederica: As of now it looks like that at our current pace we will make it back to the mansion the day Subaru-sama is supposed to make his decision after meeting all of the candidates. My apologies for not being able to make it quicker Emilia-sama.

Frederica bowed towards Emilia before returning to her conversation with Ram.

Emilia looked down on the carriage floor in despair. There was no chance they could make it back in time. Emilia sighed in disappointment. Subaru was such a big part of her heart that there was no way he could be easily replaced. But just as Emilia was about to continue wallowing in self pity she remembered how Subaru wouldn’t give up if he was in her place. Subaru didn’t care about the odds, even in Priestella when Regulus tried to force Emilia’s hand in marriage.

With that a thought came to Emilia’s mind. It would be a crazy plan but desperate times called for desperate measures. Emilia had found a new determination to not let Roswaal interfere with her love life. Emilia stood up with conviction and proclaimed.

Emilia: I will not just sit idly by and get NTR’d! When Subaru has kids they are going to have elf ears! If anyone is going to marry Subaru it's going to be me!

Frederica and Ram looked in astonishment at Emilia as she made her proclamation.

Frederica: What does NTR mean Emilia-sama?

Emilia: I don’t know. I thought it was just one of those strange things Subaru would always say. I just know after what happened in Priestella with Regulus, Subaru said that he would not let himself get NTR’d, that he could not stomach the thought of seeing me with another man.

Ram: Disgusting. To think that Barusu has polluted your pure mind with such terms. Ram will have to give Barusu a strong talking to when she returns.

Emilia walks towards the window to the driver's bench. Frederica gets up in response to Emilia’s movement.

Frederica: I understand how you feel Emilia-sama, but yelling at Garfiel and Otto-san to go faster will not make this dragon carriage go any faster.

Emilia: Who said anything about yelling at Garfiel and Otto?

Frederica and Ram gave Emilia puzzled looks as the half-elf opened the window. Emilia poked her head out and looked directly at Garfiel.

Emilia: Garfiel I need to request a favor from you.

Garfiel: What do y’need princess?

Emilia: I need you to help pull the dragon carriage.

Garfiel: Excuse ya?

Emilia: If you do this for me I will make sure that Ram goes on a date with you!

Upon hearing Emilia’s proposal Ram got out of her seat as well to berate the half-elf.

Ram: Of all the nerve. Ram never recalls giving Emilia permission to interfere with her love life! It seems rather hypocritical considering what Emilia is throwing a fit over.

Disregarding Ram’s complaints, Garfiel looks towards Otto with a tense glow and poses in a very odd way. It reminded Emilia of a story Subaru told her about called _JoJo’s Bizzare Adventures_. The characters in the story would pose in very strange ways during tense scenes. Given how close Garfiel was to Subaru it was likely her knight told Garfiel about that story.

Otto: Why are you looking at me so menacingly at me Garfiel-san?

Garfiel: Oi, giv me a lead.

Ram: Don’t you dare Otto!

As a merchant, Otto made the only logical decision he could. Even if it would buy his life only a few more seconds, Otto relented to Garfiel’s demands and gave him the lead. 

Otto: Here you go Garfiel ….. please don’t kill me Ram-san.

Otto whimpered as he gave Garfiel the lead. Just as fast as Garfiel received the lead did he put it on.

Garfiel: Alright, time to show what I can do!

Garfiel jumps out of the driver’s bench.

Garfiel: GORGEOUS TIGER!

With that battle cry Garfiel’s legs transform into large tiger legs as he jumps ahead of the four ground dragons currently powering the dragon cart. Once getting his footing, Garfiel runs with such speed that the dragon carriage is easily going twice as fast.

Unbeknownst to anyone though is a second presence that is trying just as hard to get to the Roswaal mansion as quickly as possible. It was Subaru’s loyal ground dragon Patrashe. The dragon subconsciously knew her master was in danger and that she had to hurry. Only for this reason could she stomach to let anyone other than her master ride her all the way to Priestella and back. Whether this concern was also for the half-elf her master loved or for more selfish desires is better left to the readers to decide.

Taken aback by the change in speed Ram fell backwards and hit the wall in the back of the carriage.

Ram: Emilia-sama better not complain the next time someone compares her to the Witch of Envy.

Frederica: I know that hurt but aren’t you being very rude Ram-san?

Ram: Please. Emilia is clearly too enraptured in the chase to hear what gossip occurs behind her.

Emilia: Go Garfiel go! You can do it!

While Emilia did cheer on Garfiel, she did hear every word Ram just said but decided it was best not to comment. She thought of who was probably the greatest love rival Emilia would have to face. Emilia couldn’t deny it. Subaru and Satella were somehow linked by methods that even Subaru didn’t know of. Nonetheless that was the least of Emilia’s concerns now. Right now the focus had to be put on stopping Roswaal’s plot and making clear to Subaru the feelings she held for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Subaru up to? He isn't just willingly going along with Roswaal's plan is he? Find out in the next chapter: Reluctant Bachelor!
> 
> I look forward to writing the next chapter. Only reason for delay would be for work I do for Heretic Translations. For those wondering, Heretic Translations is fan translation group that edits the outputs from machine translations for Re:Zero web novel content. Basically we take the broken English from those translations and attempt to make sense of them with the help of summaries we find online. Because we work as a group we are able to release content at quicker pace then some other groups. While the quality isn't nearly as nice as a manual translation it helps get the business done for those who are less patient. Even though Tappei hasn't released Arc 7 content yet we still have two projects that I need to get back to finishing. After that though the only reason for delays would be Arc 7 content. At bare minimum completing this fic is a new years resolution that I intend on keeping. I already have the other 5 chapters planned out. I just need to write them.


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